Finding Grace in a Season I’m Still Figuring Out

I haven’t written here in a little while, not because this space stopped mattering, but because life has shifted. I’m in a new season right now. A season I truly believe God called me into. I went back to school.

My heart has always been for people who struggle. Trauma. Anxiety. Depression. Feeling alone. Feeling unseen. I’ve asked God so many times over the years, how can I help people like me in a deeper way? How can I really show up for those who are hurting? And the answer He placed on my heart this fall was this. Go back to school. Get your degree. Learn how to help them well.

When I said yes, I was so excited. I counted down the days. I felt that same excitement I remember feeling when I first started college at 20 years old. That nervous happy feeling in your chest. That sense of purpose. That hope that something new and good is beginning.

I couldn’t wait to finally walk into this new season God called me to.

But this time has been nothing like I expected. School has been difficult. Exhausting. Overwhelming. And frustrating in ways I didn’t expect. I’ve been trying so hard to stay organized, to find the perfect schedule, the perfect routine, the perfect system that will make everything feel manageable. And honestly, nothing has worked out the way I planned. Every week feels like trial and error. Every day feels like I’m adjusting again.

And in the middle of all of that, something important got neglected. My writing. My blog. Social media. The very things I love and enjoy so deeply.

Even my quiet time with God has looked different. I wake up, I read His Word, I pray, and then I jump straight into school. That’s all I’ve been giving Him lately. Not because I want to rush Him. Not because I don’t care. I don’t even realize it’s happening until I look at the clock and it’s 11 PM or 1 AM and I’m still writing a paper, finishing an assignment, reading another chapter. Then it’s shower, bed, repeat.

It hasn’t been intentional. It’s just been life.

What I also didn’t expect was how much school would stir up old insecurities. Ones I thought I had worked through years ago. Being back in this environment has brought me right back to high school. Struggling with focus. Struggling with understanding. Struggling with my ADD. Struggling to keep up the way I want to.

And the enemy has been loud:

You can’t do this. You’re not smart enough. You’ll never get your focus under control. Why are you even trying? You might as well quit now.

Those thoughts have tried to creep in more times than I’d like to admit.

But here’s what I keep reminding myself. If God opened this door, then it doesn’t matter what I think about myself. What matters is that He called me to this. God doesn’t call the qualified. He qualifies the called. And I have to remind myself of that every single day.

So when the fear creeps in and the doubts get loud, I have to keep turning back to Him. Not because I feel confident. Not because I feel capable. But because He’s the one who called me here.

I’ve also felt guilty. Guilty for not writing. Guilty for not posting. Guilty for not spending time with God the way I used to. That guilt has sat heavy on my heart. But I also know this. God sees everything I’m juggling. He sees the late nights. The early mornings. The effort. The tears. The trying. And He’s giving me grace in this season.

This is only week four. I’m still figuring it out. I’m still learning how to manage school, family, faith, creativity, and rest all at once. And I’m not doing it alone. I’m figuring it out with Him. Together.

I didn’t walk away from God. I didn’t stop believing. I didn’t lose my faith. I just stepped into something new, something hard, something stretching. And my rhythm hasn’t caught up yet.

My circumstances didn’t change overnight. School didn’t get easier. Life didn’t slow down. But something deeper is changing. My faith is becoming quieter. Slower. More rooted. Less frantic. Less about doing and more about trusting.

And maybe that’s the lesson in all of this.

If you’re in a season where life feels heavy and faith feels quiet, you’re not alone. If you love God but feel overwhelmed, you’re not failing. If you’ve neglected the things you love because you’re trying to hold everything together, there is grace for you too.

God isn’t keeping score. He isn’t disappointed in you. He isn’t waiting for you to get it together before He meets you where you are. You can come back softly. You can come back tired. You can come back without explanations.

I’m here again. Writing again. Showing up again. And trusting that even in busy, messy, overwhelming seasons, God is still working, even when I don’t feel Him the way I used to.

If this season has been heavy for you too, you’re not alone.

Lord, thank You for meeting us in seasons that feel heavy and unfamiliar. Thank You for Your patience when we’re tired, overwhelmed, and still figuring things out. Help us trust You when our rhythms change and our faith feels quieter than before. Remind us that You see everything we’re carrying and that Your grace covers us completely.

In Jesus’s name, Amen.