Raising Daughters Who Know Their Worth in Christ

Raising a daughter is one of the most beautiful and hardest things I’ve ever done. There’s so much pressure out there telling our girls who they should be, and it’s heartbreaking to watch them try to figure out their identity in the middle of it all.

My daughter went through a season where she really struggled with who she was. And honestly, it tore me up. She would come home from school upset because of things her classmates said. Comments about what she should look like, how she should dress, how she should wear her hair, what made a girl “pretty” or “popular.” And little by little, I saw her trying to change. She started doing things that didn’t even feel like her, all because she wanted to fit in and be accepted.

I could see it in her eyes that she was unhappy. She didn’t want to dress like that. She didn’t want to wear makeup or do her hair a certain way just to impress people. She just wanted to be herself, but she felt like she couldn’t.

It crushed me seeing her trying to be someone she wasn’t. I would remind her over and over that she didn’t need to change who she was to fit in. That who God made her to be was more than enough. That she was beautiful without trying to be like everyone else. That being popular wasn’t worth losing herself. That her value came from the God who made her, not from classmates or trends. I also told her that anyone who didn’t like her for who she truly was, was not her friend.

Over time she started to pull away from that need to fit in. She started being more okay with just being herself. She still struggles and she still has moments where she feels like she doesn’t belong. And that’s real. That’s normal. But at least now, she knows who to turn to. She knows who she really is.

Now the part I wasn’t expecting was how this journey with my daughter forced me to look at myself too.

Because she watches me, she hears how I talk about myself. She sees how I react when I look in the mirror. And if I’m being honest, I don’t always have the kindest words to say to myself.

I’ve gained a lot of weight over the last few years, and I’ve had days where I don’t even want to leave the house. I’d try on ten different outfits and end up crying in frustration. I’d look at myself and pick apart everything I hated. I’ve skipped events, pulled away from friends, and felt completely disconnected…all because of how I felt about my appearance.

One day, my daughter was in my room looking in the mirror and she started just picking apart everything she didn’t like about herself. And without thinking, I told her, “Mama, don’t say that. You’re beautiful. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

And my husband, in the quietest voice, said, “She’s just doing what she sees you do.”

That hit me so hard. I had to sit with that for a while.

Because how can I teach her to be confident if I’m constantly tearing myself down? How can I expect her to believe she’s beautiful and worthy if I don’t believe that for myself?

It made me realize that raising a daughter who knows her worth starts with me knowing mine. It starts with me choosing to speak kindly to myself, even when it’s hard. It starts with me learning to see myself through God’s eyes, not the world’s.

Proverbs 31:25 says, “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs at the days to come.” That’s what I want for her. I want her to walk boldly, to know who she is, and to stop shrinking for the sake of others. And if that’s what I want for her, I have to walk that out too.

So to all the moms out there, keep speaking truth over your daughters. Keep reminding them that their worth isn’t in their looks or popularity or how many friends they have. Their worth is found in the fact that they were created by a God who doesn’t make mistakes.

Psalm 139:14 says, “I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” And if they can grab hold of that truth now, they’ll be so much stronger later.

Jesus, help me lead by example. Help me speak truth over my daughter and over myself. Heal the parts of me that still believe I’m not enough so I don’t pass that pain down to her. Help her know deep in her heart that she is Yours, that she is loved, chosen, and set apart. Give her courage to be herself in a world that constantly tells her not to be. And remind me that it’s not too late to grow into that truth myself. Amen