Crying Out to God in the Middle of the Storm
There are some days where no matter how hard you pray or try to lean on God and have faith everything will work out, your heart still feels heavy, your mind still races, and the weight of it all feels too much to carry.
The past few weeks have been hard. I mean the kind of hard that drains you completely. My anxiety and depression have been hitting heavy, and honestly, it’s been hard to even feel God in the middle of it. I’ve had moments where I couldn’t even breathe, full-blown panic attacks where all I could do was beg God to please calm my heart. To help me breathe.
I haven’t had the energy to write. I haven’t posted a blog in a few weeks. My laundry? Still sitting in baskets. Washed, but not folded. My business? I’ve barely touched it. I’ve just been stuck. Numb. Tired. Hiding in TV because reality feels too heavy to carry right now.
Sometimes, no matter how much you know deep down that God is with you, when you’re in the middle of a really hard season and everything around you is falling apart, it’s so hard to see Him and feel His presence. You start to doubt everything. You start to feel abandoned. Alone.
When I’m not watching TV, I’m drowning myself in His Word, trying to stay close to Scripture. Hoping I could hear Him. Yet, I still hear silence. I found that I was reading the Bible like I read any ordinary book, just getting through each chapter one by one as fast as I can. Not letting the words soak into my heart and soul. But it’s honestly the only thing keeping me from completely falling apart.
Yesterday though…I broke. I was crying out to God, ugly crying, telling Him I couldn’t do this anymore. That I’m not strong enough. That I regretted listening to Him when He led me down this path because I feel like everything has only gotten worse and He left me to deal with this alone. And as soon as those words left my lips, I froze. Did I really just say that out loud?
Deep down, I knew that was the enemy. Trying to convince me that God doesn’t care. That He’s not moving. That I’m alone. I knew this was exactly what the enemy wanted, for me to blame God for everything going wrong and feel like He has left me to drown in all this hurt.
I also realized that I was leaning on my own strength. I said I trusted God, but if I’m being honest, I was still gripping onto pieces behind the scenes. Still trying to control it all because fully surrendering felt too risky. But I can’t do it. I’m not strong enough. And that’s exactly the point.
So I had to decide to either continue carrying all of this on my own, struggling and hurting, or this time fully surrender it to God. So, I fell to my knees, tears still running, asked God to forgive me, and laid it all down at His feet. Again. He’s carried me before, and I know He will carry me again.
Sometimes faith looks like that. Not polished. Not perfectly put together. Just real. Just raw. Just honest. It’s collapsing at His feet and saying, “Lord, I trust You, even though this hurts.”
If you’re in that place too, worn out, overwhelmed, questioning everything, I want you to know you’re not alone. And you’re not wrong for feeling what you feel. But also know this. God hasn’t left you. He’s not ignoring your tears. He’s right there in the thick of it. Even when it feels silent. Especially when it feels silent.
He’s not asking you to be strong enough. He’s asking you to lean on Him.
Jesus, I’m exhausted. I’ve been trying to carry so much and I just can’t anymore. I surrender every burden, every fear, every worry. I give it to You. I’m sorry for trying to do this without fully trusting You. Thank You for being near, even in my weakness. Help me lean on You, rest in You, and remember that You are faithful even when I’m falling apart. You are my strength. You are my peace. Amen.
